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Stories by Car Spud

Passionate about cars, books, films, planes, boats and things by James Ruppert, Matthew Corrigan and David Milloy

Spud Stories

With the Top Gear programme placed into indefinite hiatus*, it’s time to announce plans for its replacement. Following a period of reflection and interaction with numerous internal focus groups, the BBC has decided that there is still room for a car, or more accurately, transport show within the current broadcast environment.

While the exciting new programme will borrow some of the most well-loved aspects from its predecessor, it will aim to inform as well as entertain, in keeping with the corporation’s remit and raison d’etre. In view of the toxicity surrounding the Top Gear brand, we consider a new name is appropriate.

Spin Cycle” will fill a hole for transport fans everywhere. Spin Cycle will present the latest news from the exciting world of transport in a responsible, sustainable way. Each episode will review a recently launched EV with an emphasis on connectivity, battery size and exciting features like mood lighting and automatic parking. A fact-checking team from BBC Verify will be on hand to check manufacturers’ claims are accurate – except for range data because reasons.

We have an equally exciting line-up of presenters, in green tech expert Dale Vince, popular cyclist Jeremy Vine and, er, Natalie Bennett who is in the House of Lords.

The tame racing driver feature was past its sell-by date, however we are pleased to confirm a new mystery character for Spin Cycle. Never seen on screen, Two-wheeled Timmy will ride around on his bicycle, a camera strapped to his head. Each week, viewers can enjoy his exciting footage as he peers into stationary cars, trying to lose people their jobs. His fun segment will be announced with what we are sure will become a popular catchphrase: “Some say.” For example, “Some say he once broke his arm and the Kleenex boardroom was an uncomfortable place to be; some say he tried to get jumping on Range Rovers made into an Olympic sport. All we know is that he’s a bit of a sanctimonious twerp and needs to get a proper job.”

The popular challenges will continue. In our first episode, Dale and Natalie pit public transport against a Chinese EV as they try to get from Hampstead to Glastonbury using as little carbon as possible. In depth consumer reviews will explore topics such as which service stations have the best toilets to sit and scroll while your EV charges. Finally, a celebrity guest will be invited to set a lap time around our exciting LTN course in the “Star on a reasonably priced cargo bike” feature.

Spin Cycle will air at 8pm on Sunday nights. We’re super excited for the first episode and are sure you will be too.

*Well we can hardly admit we’re cancelling it – have you seen the contract clauses?

Written by Matthew Corrigan author and professional copywriter

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